The Greatest Guide

A child’s greatest guide is their father.

Parents are mutually important. Dad and mom must each give 100% to each other and to the family. Meeting in the middle or going 50/50 won’t work, they must go all in together.

The way Mother’s Day and Father’s Day holidays are treated sure make it look like one parent is more important than the other. I was having a conversation with my father-in-law the other day and he said that some restaurants that are usually closed on Sundays will open for business on two holidays per year: Easter and Mother’s Day.  Retail stores make a big deal about Mother’s Day. A friend has observed that Mother’s Day is the day when wives ask their husbands to go to church with them and Father’s day is the day when husband ask their wives for permission not to go to church. And a good number of churches may be ok with it.

Does Father’s Day feel like a courtesy holiday? (Or am I just a bitter father who want’s more recognition?) Do we have a Father’s Day because if we’re going to recognize mother’s we might as well do the same for fathers? Is Father’s Day about tractors and ties because that’s all a father’s worth these days? Is Father’s Day a quiet holiday because there’s not much to honor fathers for? Are dads really as lame and aloof as the media depicts them? Do we just like our moms more than our dads?

Mothers deserve a great deal of recognition and appreciation–probably more than we’re adequately able to give. My mom will tell me that I still owe her for 18 years and 9 months of room and board. My wife is a stay at home mom and she spends hours changing diapers, wiping tears, accommodating music requests from the back seat, reading the motorcycle book multiple times a day, navigating the blunder of a Tasmanian Devil, disciplining, and building boom piles. Mother’s must be applauded for the way they selflessly raise their children.

But fathers are guides that show their children how to treat mom when he comes home from a “long” day at work.

Children copy and imitate. Mimic and repeat. They watch and learn.

Children not only watch to see if dad comes home and plops, they observe and analyze his interactions with them when he gets home. Sons will do the same when they grow up, get married, and have kids. Daughters will permit their husbands to do it as well because that’s what they saw and what they saw is all they know (and what they know must be right).

Dads are guides for how to talk, how to treat people of different races, and how to respond when irritated or angry. Dads will show their sons how to view, treat, and affirm a woman and they’ll show their daughters how they should be viewed, treated, and affirmed by the way they treat their mothers.

Author John Eldridge says that fathers will guide their sons to the answer of their greatest question, “Do I have what it takes?” And they’ll guide their daughters to the answer their heart beats to know, “Am I lovely?”

Fathers will show their children how to be fully present, distant, or how to be present but fully absent.

They’ll show their sons how to love and lead a family. And they’ll show their daughters how to be led and loved.

They’ll show them how to react, initiate, compete, celebrate, and mourn.

Dads guide their children towards or away from God.

Dads will guide whether they choose to or not.

If a dad chooses to guide his children he must understand that his life will guide but his words will explain how to get there. His life is the model and his words are the instructions.

Every dad is a guide. Being a dad is a high calling and a major responsibility. Who will your children become because of your guidance?

Children follow because their dads show the way.

Happy Guides Day!

A few of my guides.

Who Will Get Me? My Feelings or My Wife?

I’ve been married for 4 years. My Sweet and I celebrated in a way only the Lesher’s could – orange rolls, outmeal squares, and recommitment.

Abbey and I meet 6 years ago in a copier room. She was looking fly in a classic pair over overalls and I was bumbling around flippin copies. She doesn’t remember this momentous occasion, but there’s nothing like the combination of copies and overalls to create chemistry.

We dated for 7 months, were engaged for 5 months, and spent our honeymoon in Cancun with 1,500 people in a warehouse (but that’s another story). Take us out to eat to celebrate and we’ll tell ya.

I’ve heard people talk about the first couple years of marriage as the honeymoon stage, when couples are young and in love. To an over analytical mind does this mean that the honeymoon stage ends when you’re old and in love? Or, when your young and out of love? Or, when you’re out of both?

During our 4 years of marriage Abbey and I have had our times when love ran high and other times when we’ve had to scrounge up all the love we could muster. So, based on the definition above we’ve been in and out of the honeymoon stage; and truth is, if age is a factor we have no chance of staying in it for very long anyways.

I don’t buy the honeymoon stage idea. I’m young and I love my wife. But I won’t be young forever and love is an unpredictable emotion. When I married Abbey I made a commitment to a person not to an age or an emotion.

Our culture is afraid to make lasting commitments because if our feelings change we’re stuck doing something we don’t feel “good” about anymore. This is something I wrestle with on a regularly basis. I want my way. I want to call the shots. I want to control things.

Singleness has it’s perks.

Marriage has it’s sacrifices.

When I was single I could treat my life, my living room, my car, my money, and my calendar like I wanted. When I got married my agenda  collided with Abbey’s. My life isn’t my own anymore. When agendas collide feelings get involved and people get hurt. It’s here in our pain that we begin to question our commitments. Forgiveness frees us to uphold our commitments and forces us to communicate our feelings.

The invitation to follow Jesus is, “come and die.” As a bachelor I thought I knew what this meant and how to do it. I had no idea. When I got married I began learning what it meant to die to myself to love, lead, and serve Abbey better. In turn I began learning what the invitation to follow Jesus meant.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. Singles can totally learn what it means to die to themselves to live for Jesus. Marriage, for me, has been one of God’s ways showing me what it means to follow Jesus.

Marriage is a commitment to a person not a feeling.

Following Jesus is very similar, it’s a commitment to follow a person despite a crisis in feelings.

Feelings are really important for faith and marriage. Feelings accentuate life. They also accentuate faith and marriage.

The question I must continually brew on is, will I allow my commitment to Jesus to shape my commitment to Abbey, or will I allow my feelings to compromise both commitments? Who will get me?

Die to yourself to fulfill your commitments.

My feelings are important, but my commitment is to Abbey, and man she’s worth it! Happy anniversary!

:: The French Pressed Four ::

: My Sweet :: To the moon!

:: 4 Years :: Flying by with my best friend.

::: Muse Media Player :: www.muse.mu/ (thanks AJC!)

:::: Drops Like Stars Tour :: I missed it, but my friends who went said it was money. If it’s coming by your town don’t do what I did.