Who Will Get Me? My Feelings or My Wife?

I’ve been married for 4 years. My Sweet and I celebrated in a way only the Lesher’s could – orange rolls, outmeal squares, and recommitment.

Abbey and I meet 6 years ago in a copier room. She was looking fly in a classic pair over overalls and I was bumbling around flippin copies. She doesn’t remember this momentous occasion, but there’s nothing like the combination of copies and overalls to create chemistry.

We dated for 7 months, were engaged for 5 months, and spent our honeymoon in Cancun with 1,500 people in a warehouse (but that’s another story). Take us out to eat to celebrate and we’ll tell ya.

I’ve heard people talk about the first couple years of marriage as the honeymoon stage, when couples are young and in love. To an over analytical mind does this mean that the honeymoon stage ends when you’re old and in love? Or, when your young and out of love? Or, when you’re out of both?

During our 4 years of marriage Abbey and I have had our times when love ran high and other times when we’ve had to scrounge up all the love we could muster. So, based on the definition above we’ve been in and out of the honeymoon stage; and truth is, if age is a factor we have no chance of staying in it for very long anyways.

I don’t buy the honeymoon stage idea. I’m young and I love my wife. But I won’t be young forever and love is an unpredictable emotion. When I married Abbey I made a commitment to a person not to an age or an emotion.

Our culture is afraid to make lasting commitments because if our feelings change we’re stuck doing something we don’t feel “good” about anymore. This is something I wrestle with on a regularly basis. I want my way. I want to call the shots. I want to control things.

Singleness has it’s perks.

Marriage has it’s sacrifices.

When I was single I could treat my life, my living room, my car, my money, and my calendar like I wanted. When I got married my agenda  collided with Abbey’s. My life isn’t my own anymore. When agendas collide feelings get involved and people get hurt. It’s here in our pain that we begin to question our commitments. Forgiveness frees us to uphold our commitments and forces us to communicate our feelings.

The invitation to follow Jesus is, “come and die.” As a bachelor I thought I knew what this meant and how to do it. I had no idea. When I got married I began learning what it meant to die to myself to love, lead, and serve Abbey better. In turn I began learning what the invitation to follow Jesus meant.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. Singles can totally learn what it means to die to themselves to live for Jesus. Marriage, for me, has been one of God’s ways showing me what it means to follow Jesus.

Marriage is a commitment to a person not a feeling.

Following Jesus is very similar, it’s a commitment to follow a person despite a crisis in feelings.

Feelings are really important for faith and marriage. Feelings accentuate life. They also accentuate faith and marriage.

The question I must continually brew on is, will I allow my commitment to Jesus to shape my commitment to Abbey, or will I allow my feelings to compromise both commitments? Who will get me?

Die to yourself to fulfill your commitments.

My feelings are important, but my commitment is to Abbey, and man she’s worth it! Happy anniversary!

:: The French Pressed Four ::

: My Sweet :: To the moon!

:: 4 Years :: Flying by with my best friend.

::: Muse Media Player :: www.muse.mu/ (thanks AJC!)

:::: Drops Like Stars Tour :: I missed it, but my friends who went said it was money. If it’s coming by your town don’t do what I did.