The Greatest Guide

A child’s greatest guide is their father.

Parents are mutually important. Dad and mom must each give 100% to each other and to the family. Meeting in the middle or going 50/50 won’t work, they must go all in together.

The way Mother’s Day and Father’s Day holidays are treated sure make it look like one parent is more important than the other. I was having a conversation with my father-in-law the other day and he said that some restaurants that are usually closed on Sundays will open for business on two holidays per year: Easter and Mother’s Day.  Retail stores make a big deal about Mother’s Day. A friend has observed that Mother’s Day is the day when wives ask their husbands to go to church with them and Father’s day is the day when husband ask their wives for permission not to go to church. And a good number of churches may be ok with it.

Does Father’s Day feel like a courtesy holiday? (Or am I just a bitter father who want’s more recognition?) Do we have a Father’s Day because if we’re going to recognize mother’s we might as well do the same for fathers? Is Father’s Day about tractors and ties because that’s all a father’s worth these days? Is Father’s Day a quiet holiday because there’s not much to honor fathers for? Are dads really as lame and aloof as the media depicts them? Do we just like our moms more than our dads?

Mothers deserve a great deal of recognition and appreciation–probably more than we’re adequately able to give. My mom will tell me that I still owe her for 18 years and 9 months of room and board. My wife is a stay at home mom and she spends hours changing diapers, wiping tears, accommodating music requests from the back seat, reading the motorcycle book multiple times a day, navigating the blunder of a Tasmanian Devil, disciplining, and building boom piles. Mother’s must be applauded for the way they selflessly raise their children.

But fathers are guides that show their children how to treat mom when he comes home from a “long” day at work.

Children copy and imitate. Mimic and repeat. They watch and learn.

Children not only watch to see if dad comes home and plops, they observe and analyze his interactions with them when he gets home. Sons will do the same when they grow up, get married, and have kids. Daughters will permit their husbands to do it as well because that’s what they saw and what they saw is all they know (and what they know must be right).

Dads are guides for how to talk, how to treat people of different races, and how to respond when irritated or angry. Dads will show their sons how to view, treat, and affirm a woman and they’ll show their daughters how they should be viewed, treated, and affirmed by the way they treat their mothers.

Author John Eldridge says that fathers will guide their sons to the answer of their greatest question, “Do I have what it takes?” And they’ll guide their daughters to the answer their heart beats to know, “Am I lovely?”

Fathers will show their children how to be fully present, distant, or how to be present but fully absent.

They’ll show their sons how to love and lead a family. And they’ll show their daughters how to be led and loved.

They’ll show them how to react, initiate, compete, celebrate, and mourn.

Dads guide their children towards or away from God.

Dads will guide whether they choose to or not.

If a dad chooses to guide his children he must understand that his life will guide but his words will explain how to get there. His life is the model and his words are the instructions.

Every dad is a guide. Being a dad is a high calling and a major responsibility. Who will your children become because of your guidance?

Children follow because their dads show the way.

Happy Guides Day!

A few of my guides.

Without You There’d Be No Me

We celebrated my dad’s 58th birthday today. The day included getting pummeled by dad in golf, breaking a couch (which he ended up repairing), a South Carolina style pork barbeque dinner, and pecan pie with ice cream to top it all off. His actual day takes place on the French Pressed Friday of August 21st (feel free to join the party).

It was a humbling experience becoming less and less like Tiger on the links, and I was humbled even more reflecting on my life and it’s existence in connection with my dad’s. Without him there’d be no me. I think I’ve thought this before, but for some reason, most likely the Columbia heat, it settled in. If there’s no Reiff Lesher, then I wouldn’t be golfing and therefore I wouldn’t be brewing on these things, and therefore this blog, clearly essential to all people across the globe…who cares…what blog?

Then I started to let the thoughts fester and flame (I lost my ball somewhere around the pond). Without dad there’d be no son. Which means there’d be no learning to play basketball or ride a bike. There’d be no discovery of Don Pepino’s homemade pizza. There’d be no passion for people or for God.

Without dad there’d be nothing.

This is such a powerful reality. It actually gives my dad total power over me. Bill Cosby, one of my dad’s favorite comedians, said it best, “I brought you into the world and I can take you out.” So, when I dared defy my dad, which I did with regularity, he had absolute rights to simply proclaim that, there’d be no me without him; and my only option was to obey because I put forth zero effort in my origination.

Dad chose to use his innate fatherhood rights, not to oppress and obliterate, but to raise, teach, and love his kids. Without you there’d be no me was viewed as a responsibility instead of a right. Without you there’d be no me has actually required my dad to invest intentionally and seriously in me, because the truth of the matter is, one day there will be no he. Will I carry on his love and legacy or will I crush it?

Without you there’d be no horrible golf games, that’s for sure. There’d be no Lego sets, rides on the Vortex, or catching waves at the beach. There’d be no example on how to be a husband and dad. There’d be no marrying Abbey. And there’d be no grandson. There’d be no participation in Jesus’ movement of love, truth, and forgiveness. There’d be no life, and for that privilege alone I’m grateful. Happy Birthday Daddio!

:: The French Pressed Four ::

: Glenn Reiff Lesher :: Love ya dad!

:: Drops Like Stars :: Rob Bell

::: The Prodigal God :: Tim Keller

:::: Tubing on the lake :: Speed, Air, Water

What I’ve Learned From You, Learn From Me

My little guy turned 1 on Monday. We made pancakes, went out to McDonalds for ice cream, and he got sick. Even infants hate getting sick on their birthdays. He’s been sick since but I still got a hot fudge sundae out of the misery.

I’m writing this blog as a dad 369 days old. I could drop all the cliches about the first year of fatherhood but I’ll sum it up in a couple ways: if you’re feeding a kid and they look like their about to sneeze don’t put food in their mouth; it is slightly embarrassing to catch yourself singing kidtoons in public; and I’m really not the center of the universe like I regularly think I am. All that to say…I’ve learned a lot.

One of the most important things I’ve been learning is that the habits and decisions I make now, concerning parenting and my relationship with my son, are going to greatly determine what our relationship will be like in the future. For instance I have a hard time leaving work at the time I told Abbey I would. It’s habits like this and others that have been challenged by Allen’s life so far.

I have this insecurity that if I do just a little more work or put in more time it will earn me points and pump up my reputation. The reality is that doing this hasn’t contributed anything to my job status but it does disturb things a home a little bit. The main issue here is that my behavior communicates that I value work over family. I’m realizing that if this becomes an ingrained part of my life I know I what feels difficult now will be nearly impossible to correct 15 years from now.

This has many aspects of it. I feel important when I get phone calls, Facebook messages, and texts. What happens is that my eyes always dart to the phone to see if anyone has done something to make me feel important. The result of this is that I become fully present to my inanimate, lifeless, loveless phone. When I’m fully present to my phone I’m not fully present to my family – I’m distracted, I don’t listen, and I miss stuff like Allen’s smile, glee over turning pages in a book, and bustin a move to some music on the ipod.

So Allen, though you probably won’t read this till your obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine ends, I want you to learn from me what I’ve learned from you. Always keep your family before you’re job. Even if you go in to ministry, you will influence others you care for when you love God and your family most.

For all those reading who are not my son learn from me what I’ve learned from Allen. Slow down, hang up, turn off, or disconnect so you can connect with those who really matter, who really love you, and who will be there when your battery dies, you get fired, or you don’t have any “bars” there. Take a day a week to turn off your phone, cancel all meetings with those other than you family, and spend that quality and quantity time with those who are quality and given a whole lot of quantity to your life.

Tomorrow I’ll be 370 days old as a dad and I won’t have this figured out, but I’ll work on figuring it out now so maybe by the time Al is a teenager I won’t have to work as hard trying to make up for lost time at home having worked overtime in the office. What habit needs to be broken by God’s grace or some family time that will be close to impossible to break in the future?

:: The French Pressed Four ::

: Allen :: He already loves books, music, and basketball – Happy Birthday Bubba

:: Bocce Ball :: It’s horse shoes for those who don’t have horses

::: Desiring God Online ::http://www.desiringgod.org/

:::: Soda Shop :: Park Road Shopping Center (Get a vanilla coke!)